


Four Ways The Harry Potter Books Didn't End

by psocoptera



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Early Work, Gen, Not Quite Five Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-18
Updated: 2008-06-18
Packaged: 2018-02-10 10:00:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2020818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psocoptera/pseuds/psocoptera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like it says on the tin, little snippets of AUs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Ways The Harry Potter Books Didn't End

**Author's Note:**

> I think I started these somewhere around 2003-2004, as "Five Ways The Harry Potter Books Won't End", and gave up on them once book seven came out, but they're not really any worse than any of the rest of my early stuff. ... which I guess is one of those "why would you read this" summaries, sorry. Number four still amuses me, enh.

1\. The Day After The War Is Finally Over

The day after the war is finally over, Severus Snape sits at the High Table and looks out at the seats that are not empty.

So many left. Sluggards and simpletons. So many have had the gall to survive where their betters have fallen.

He keeps his eyes from the gaps at the Slytherin table, keeps his eyes on the unforgivable living. The werewolf, and the insufferable Granger, and the moronic Longbottom. And Potter. 

The monster, the know-it-all, the incompetent. And Potter.

Potter the prophesied, the one death above all he had let himself believe in.

Severus should have known better. Known the one constant was betrayal.

No one questioned Snape in the kitchens, no house elves protested as he glided among them, sampling dishes. Adding a pinch of this here, a drop of that there. Soon everything will finally be made right. 

He raises the pumpkin juice to his lips and drinks deep.

***

2\. The Beginning of A Beautiful Friendship

Eight days after Voldemort has been killed (and not only killed but beheaded, dismembered, _finite_ ed, incinerated, exorcised, and otherwise eradicated by any means Hermione and Moody could think of between them, after which the ashes were sealed into a hemisphere of molten glass made Unbreakable as soon as it cooled), Harry receives a letter from a Birmingham solicitor "on a matter to his advantage."

It turns out he is Voldemort's sole beneficiary.

The Ministry has confiscated all of Voldemort's valuable assets for reparations and the Unspeakables have quietly appropriated most of his personal effects, so what's left is a few odds and ends, and Nagini.

"Urk," Harry says.

He has a long talk with Nagini, who, it turns out, has interesting insights into many of Voldemort's more complicated spells, and prefers lambs to people anyways. It works out okay.

***

3\. By Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay.

Grindelwald had burned down the Crystal Palace, and so Voldemort felt almost obligated to blow up the Millenium Dome. Of course the Crystal Palace had been built on top of the Sydenham springs, ruining their magical aura with Muggle glass and iron. The Millenium Dome wasn't on top of anything in particular, but Voldemort *remembered* the Palace burning, he'd been nine, and he knew it was just the sort of thing to make an impression, to say, "guess what? Your feeble achievements? I dwarf them."

The final duel involves the London Eye, Big Ben, and the utter despair of the Muggle-Worthy Excuse Committee.

***

4\. The Unexpected Relevance of Sport

Hermione, hit by a precisely-aimed Stunning Spell from Voldemort despite the shelter of the Invisibility Cloak, barely has the presence of mind to transfigure the fir cone into a spine-tailed swift before collapsing to the ground.

Malfoy (Senior) and Nott spring up from the swollen fungus they are studding with cloves as Harry and Ron kick aside the grille and swoop down from the ceiling passage.

"Fools," Voldemort shouts, "The basidium!" But sure enough Harry, diving by, has kicked the mushroom off the table. Crabbe and Goyle look around in confusion while Malfoy (Junior) is already swinging onto his own broom.

"The outer guards are right behind us!", Ginny yells to Harry, shooting out from the long corridor with Fred and George behind her.

"The *bird*," he yells back, exchanging wand-fire with Malfoys (Senior) and (Junior), "And the - oof - *mushroom*! Last two ingredients! Can't let them ... finish!"

Nott, with a look of triumph, bends down and holds up the mushroom - going on instinct, George cuts the tail of his broom around to hit a small cauldron off one of the benches. It hits Nott in the back of the head, knocking the mushroom out of his hands and into Ginny's.

MacNair and Avery emerge from the corridor and nearly collide with Harry, who is flying by in pursuit of Malfoy (Junior), who is in pursuit of the bird.

"*Get* them!" Voldemort shrieks helpfully.

Crabbe, now on broom, slams into Ginny, enabling Malfoy (Senior), also on broom, to snatch the mushroom. Not wasting time, he hurtles it violently towards the simmering cauldron - 

\- only to see it knocked aside at the last minute by Ron.

The round hoop of the cauldron-mouth, the mushroom arcing back and forth across the room, the swift darting around in dizzy circles -

Hermione wakes up and takes it in.

"You have *got* to be kidding me," she says, "Quidditch really is going to save the world?" She slumps back to the floor.


End file.
